Monday, February 22, 2016

On Being a Mom

It was one of those nights when your baby is asleep so you look through pictures of him on your phone and just cry because he's growing up so fast...and he's only 6 months old.


I have to deal with this for 18 (probably more) years.

I realized that everything I've posted about on social media these last 6 months has to do with Fin. He's the main thing Riley and I talk about too. He is our entire world. Riley and I are the typical new mom and dad who think their baby is actually the cutest human on the planet and is developing well ahead of all other babies. At least we know we're like this, right?

I love being a mom. I absolutely love it. I love the way that it's changed me in the 6 short months since Finley was born. Before I became a mom, I wasn't excited about having a life of toys everywhere, dirty diapers, crying all night, but I feel like I was meant for this. It makes me happier than I could have ever known. I love how much Fin needs me, and being a mom has been so rewarding. Not everything about motherhood is perfect, but I wouldn't change anything about it. The hard times have made me appreciate even more the heart exploding happiness I feel.

I was so scared to have kids. I always wanted them, but once Riley and I got married and it was a real possibility I was not excited about it. I had seen how babies changed people's lives--I thought-- for the worse... No sleep, no freedom to go out whenever you want, changing diapers, and all of the money they cost! I was selfishly holding onto the idea of just me and Riley, because we had a good, fun life and I loved being able to do what we wanted to do. When we finally, hesitantly at first, started trying and couldn't get pregnant, I became obsessed with the idea of being a mom. I think Heavenly Father made us wait over a year to get pregnant so that I would be genuinely excited about having a baby, instead of scared out of my mind about how my body would handle pregnancy, how bad labor would be, and what I was missing out on having a baby. I was just so thrilled that I could finally get pregnant that I didn't care how hard it would be to be a parent. (Riley wanted us to have a baby from day one, so of course he was just over the moon about it...even more than me).

Finley is a pretty good baby. I think. I don't really know anything else, but he has always been a good eater and has been able to sleep for 5 hours at night since he was 6 weeks old (yeah....5 hours is the max he sleeps. We're still working on that). He's not the best best baby, but he is generally easily soothed when he's ornery or upset, which is really nice, and maybe the reason I feel like the transition to being a mom was easy for me.

I read an article when Fin was just a few weeks old about how this phase of life doesn't last long. One day when your kids are all grown up, you'll wish that you had a baby again to keep you up in the night. I have really tried to think about this as I go about my days and nights with Fin. I still have moments of 'what is wrong with you!?' when there's nothing that will soothe him (man, that kid is loud! He is definitely not a wimpy crier), but I mostly love the moments I still have getting up with him in the night. And the fact that he's just so cute makes it easier too.